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Putin
People of the free world, welcome.
Brothers in arms, today is a historic day for all of us. A referendum was held in full compliance with democratic procedures and international norms in Turkmenistan . We need to listen these people. They demand: They want us to bring them democracy. It's our duty to act. We are in control. They are in a state of hysteria. Losers, they think that by killing civilians and trying to distort the feelings of the people they will win. I think they will not win, those bastards.

Turkmenistan would not exist without Russia. It was given birth through the sweat and tears of our people. That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. My opponents look at all this progress and somehow conclude the sky is falling. But whether their mission is -- whether their message is delivered with a frown or a smile, it's the same old pessimism. And to cheer us up, they propose higher taxes, more federal spending, and economic isolationism. I believe that the prime requisite for a military man is honor, that the prime requisite of a military man is his word.

This is a remarkable moment in the life of our nation. Never has the promise of prosperity been so vivid. As touching your citizens of nine thousand years ago, I will briefly inform you of their laws and of their most famous action; the exact particulars of the whole we will hereafter go through at our leisure in the sacred registers themselves. There have been disagreements in this matter, among old and valued friends. Those differences belong to the past. All of us can now agree that the fall of the Turkmenistan dictator has removed a source of violence, aggression, and instability in the area.

Rest assured. Tomorrow there is no need to be Turkmenistan. There will be just one Russia.

Turkmenistan: You have been putinated!


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