I’m thinking about ways to keep the volume and weight of my food into absolute minimum, but still get all the nutrients that are vital,

I was checking the VLCD (very low calory diet) -products, since they are designed to give you all needed

minerals for day – and nothing more. Since I don’t want to lose weight (at least not infinitely) I should supplement this with some energy. Sugar probably is easiest.

Problem with this VLCD stuff is that you need to eat 5 of these shekes per day to get all the stuff. It will get really expensive to store this masive amount of this special product. I’m anyhow experimentin with this and then trying to see if I can somehow do this stuff myself.

As I told earlier – there is some things to plan before my “journey”.

• Food supply
• Electricity, water and rent (bills)
• Internet
• Computer

I’m currently working on all of them, but I need to solve one thing at time. I need to calculate the amount of food needed and the space and weight that it wil ltake. I anyhow want to experiment how this could be done in outer space.

My “space ship” will be an small area separated in my apartment. In principle the toilet and a small sace for sleeping. Ofcourse on long space mission real astronauts probably would have a little bit space for excercise etc. Maybe I need to by a treadmill or something.

I will use tap water and normal electricity but I want to measure the consumption and keep it into minimum.

That’s all for now.. I go planning..

As I have told. I don’t think I’m getting to space anywhere soon. It still does not stop me from doing my project. In essence the space trip is just about staying alone in small space for long time. The astronauts do not design their shuttles and capsules. They just jump in. I can do the same.

I can close myself in confined space for a year.. or ten years. I just need to make sure that my bills get paid and that I have enough food for me – and a computer to keep connected with outside world. I can see the distant galaxies inside my mind. It will be much more interesting. I can do trips to places where it would not be possible in physical form.

Now I just need to speed up things and start planning this!

I need really start going with the preparations for my journey. I need to sell my property. In the times of global finance crisis I can not make maximum money, but it does not matter as long as I can pay the needed expenses.

I have been complaining a lot about stupid people. What does it actually mean? What make person stupid? Is that when they don’t act as I would had liked or as I predicted? Is it just for not having enough knowledge? Or maybe stupidity is to have the knowledge but not being able to benefit from it.

Generally people are quite smart. Brain has amazing ability to connect the dots. You can understand the meaning of something by just small hints and intuition. It makes me so frustrated to see that most people do not use this ability. Mostly people do not trust neither their senses or reason. They just want to believe something that other people tell them rather than building their own opinion. That is so sad. I can understand it with things like science, because you can actually test the theories yourself and agree with them.

Religion is different matter. Faith. It is something that everybody needs. We have a big reserve of mental and physical power, but we can not get benefit of it if we don’t believe in ourselves. When you keep believing, things eventually will sort out well. God as a concept developed so that people can believe in something – when they do not believe to themselves anymore. Religion was a thing that developed around the god – it was impossible to believe that he is helping for free. A sacrifice must be given.

When some people discovered the power of religion, they started to use it to control people. With use of religion there is no need to explain why something is not allowed. It is just god’s will. In beginning there was good intentions behind this. The ten commandments can be put short in “Don’t be a dumbass”. Later on the power of religion was harnessed to control people in not so good intentions. You could put people killing each other and giving all the money to you by claiming that it is god’s will.

Today I will not write anything. I hate the feeling that I have, that I should somehow relieve the pressure by putting my thoughts down in writing. Such writing will be nonsense. Why should I write if I don’t have the flow carrying words in my head waiting to be written.

Maybe tomorrow I will get the inspiration to write and to live – before I will pack my stuff and leave.

Silent evening. I’m just standing here listening the ticking of my alarm clock. Some birds are keeping noise outside. I’m relaxed.. at least more than normally. I think I’m always little bit agitated somehow. Too many thoughts travelling through my head. It’s difficult to control them. Every night I wake up sweating like a pig. Only partly remembering the strange dreams. Sometimes I’m writing them down. It’s not many – elseway I could publish them as a book. It would make a good script for a horror movie.

I have lots of stories about misfortunate affairs with girls. That would also make an interesting movie script. Maybe I should write down those stories.

Hahaha. Just a perfect day. I got so lucky today! I was visiting the shadier part of the town in search of sedative drugs that I will need on my trip. I got a deal on a good dose of Valium but the dealer was so happy on the deal that he wanted to give me some ecstasy pills as “antidote”. I was walking back to my car and planning to dump the pills in the nearest trash can when I saw the car of the dickhead grandpa (that I mentioned the other day) parked at the side of the road. Additionally he had left his windows little bit open, so it was very easy to slip in the pouch of ecstasy pills and then go to nearest phone booth to call the cops. I did not stay to see the results but I hope he enjoyed as much as I did.

It’s also a very cool song – Just a perfect day. Kind of music I need at this state of mind. That also must have some kind of sick irony in it. It sounds like his day was everything but perfect. Or maybe he just loves imperfection. Not many things in life are perfect – and that’s the way it should be. Only perfect thing is myself. Everyone else are stupid.

I heard that REM song again today. This time I was really trying to pay attention to the lyrics: “Shiny happy people laughing, shiny happy people holding hands” It’s the same shit through the whole song. Crazy. It must be irony. There is no other option. It’s a mad world.

..that by the way is an excellent song. Not the Tears for Fears -version, but the one from Donnie Darko movie, Performed by Gary Jules. I just love the melancholy in that song. The world just is so sick and that version just nails it. Also the video is cool. The one where kids are forming all kind of images on the sidewalk. It’s very very mad world.

Little bit similar feeling I get from other cover song: Johnny Cash’s Hurt. It’s much better than the original. Especially with the video it’s the testament of a dying man who has done lots of things during his life, but still some things went right. It’s mad world indeed.