Shiny happy people. Have I said this earlier? The song just came out on radio and I don’t find the point in the lyrics. It’s a cool song, but idiotic lyrics. I hate those fucking shiny happy people who polish their surface but are rotten inside. It’s better to be evenly crappy throughout. No surprises. This country is full of smiling idiots who just make sure that their Gant shirts are well ironed and their haircut is just perfect. They smile at you and stab on your back as soon as you turn it at them.

Actually I never really listened the lyrics. Maybe the song is ironic. Maybe also he hates the shiny happy people. A bit same goes with the Springsteen song “Born in the USA”. It’s a very anti-war and anti-USA song, but still all the patriots keep happily singing the chorus with their flags flying. Ingenious to make your enemies to sing song that is against themselves. And they just do not get it. I think it was Bush who told that every american should learn from Bruce. The real American spirit. Hell yeah!

I’m having a Deja Vu -feeling. Not because I’m about to complain about stupid people, but because this particular case sounds very similar to an earlier one. I was driving my car on a highway. I had set the cruise control to a constant speed just a bit above the speed limit (since I know the speedometer shows a little bit too much). There was an old gray haired fucker driving his car well below the limit. I went past him and he was staring at me as if I was a big criminal.

I arrived to the city limit, where the speed limit is dramatically lower. This same idiot kept driving past me at highway speed with a big grin on his face. What the fuck?? I like to drive a bit too fast sometimes, but I still do it kind of proportionally to speed limit. What the hell is wrong with people who keep diving 60 regardless if the speed limit is 30 or 80. What an idiot! And this grandpa kept following me all the way near my home. Fucking pervert. At every traffic lights I was accelerating heavily to get rid of him and he kept driving his constant speed to reach me every time again ad kept smiling. I would had laughed my ass off if police caught that guy – who thought that I’m the wrongdoer. Since I’m such a nice guy I actually should had reported that I’m suspecting that he is driving under influence..

I saw strange dreams again. I was getting chased along the long endless corridors. All the doors were locked and I just heard laughter behind them. I was naked. No one was really chasing me, but I could not stop. I just kept running. I want to stop. People run too much around without destination. I’m not like them. Tonight I will fall asleep listening Puccini’s O Mio Babbino Caro. It brings tears in my eyes. So beautiful.

I need to put myself together somehow. It has been long time since I was able to go on with my preparations. It’s not too easy. I want to do everything right. I don’t want to hurt anyone – including myself. Still I want to leave.

I saw an article that told that some alcohol actually helps you better solve tasks that demand logical thinking. That’s because then you can not concentrate only on one option and that keeps your mind open for creative solutions. I don’t know if I need id. My mind is running too fast already. Jumping from one subject to the next one and trying to draw the lines between the dots.

Especially on my journey I will need something opposite. I will need some kind of sedation to keep myself calm. I need to reach a state of some kind of hibernation so that I would not too much worry about the lack of activities. Sleeping has always been my favourite hobby so it should not be big issue.

All the supplies need to be purchased. I need to get money for all this somehow. Over the years I have been investing my earnings in real estate, stock market, art etc. Current financial crisis does not provide the best timing to sell everything, but I will not need to worry about the losses as long as the money is enough to buy everything that I need.

I should do a list of needed things, but I’m too tired to do that. I’m just laying on my bed and dreaming. I have been living a good life, but it could had been so much better. I put on some nice music. Youtube search for “Beautiful music” brings some truly amazing pieces of music. Ave Maria.

They will never understand the importance of this trip. Never never never. All the preparations I need to do. No goodbye. Just a step to the unknown. To hibernate yourself and to wake up in future where everything is better. My personal time machine. It is possible to travel in time. I will prove it. I will save myself from the troubles of today.

Sunlight is so real. I’m lying on my back. Floating through the space on my mattress. Touching the stars. Taking sun in my arms for a strong warm hug. Burning my hands. With broken wings falling back to earth. Waking up. Getting prepared. It’s so important that nothing else matter. Today I broke windshield again. Stupid people. It’s not their fault. I can not help them. I must be the wise one and leave. I must find the energy to finalize mu preparations. This trip is so important for the people. Small step for myself.

It feels like I was locked in. Inside this little capsule buried deep inside my mind. Why do I hate people so much? Hatred is a strong feeling. Something that you only can truly feel if you know one really well. Same with love. That is the feeling that has been hiding inside me behind the closed doors so long. What is love? Baby don’t hurt me.

Today I stayed at home. Trying to avoid people. I’m afraid they will turn me into stupid. Already now I feel like I’m losing the focus. I must fully concentrate on my mission. Nothing else helps. I need to leave this place. Forget the people and live for myself and for the space. The endless truth where there is no god but myself.