It’s funny how this whole thing is twisting my mind. I promised to myself that I would not think this too much. I should live normally and then just do it, when it’s the time. Still I’m noticing how differently I’m thinking about some things, like water. Yesterday I actually enjoyed getting a little wet when walking along the rainy streets. In park I stopped for a moment to look at the water pond and how beautifully light is reflecting from the surface. Later on the only water I will be seeing or drinking is my own pee.

I’m also continuously going through all kind of worst-case scenarios. It might be useful since that way I can be better prepared. Still there are just too many factors that I can not control. I’m seeing nightmares about things that can go wrong. Last night I saw over and over again the same dream, where some kind of leakage was causing fire and explosion. I’m not sure if I should too much think about this, since I’m pretty sure I will not be able to prevent such things anyhow.